Roger Federer gets a dog, is smarter than you

While weary rivals continue waging war over semantics at Roland Garros, the once and future GOAT bides his time and basks in apparently perfect life.

Roger Federer descended from his cloud exactly a week into a grueling Roland Garros to share news that his family was bringing home a dog.

The former No. 1 has been off the court since last summer, undergoing knee surgery and ostensibly debating how soon to, at 40 years old, personally re-engage in the decade-long men’s tennis GOAT debate. Currently tied with Novak Djokovic and trailing Rafael Nadal by one major at 21-20-20, the race has slowed to a crawl as injuries, younger rivals, and ego have all taken turns threatening to end the contest entirely.

Perhaps Federer, who is the pick of many to finish third in some order behind Djokovic and Nadal, is looking like the sadder but wisest one at the moment: after all, his announcement came just as Nadal took the court for a cracking five-setter with Félix Auger-Aliassime. Given the choice between a puppy and gambling away your knee’s remaining cartilage, I know what I’m picking.

Nadal will next play Djokovic for the 59th time in a quarterfinal that will again put both their legacies on the line. Roger Federer will be playing with a puppy.

The winner will (likely) face a 19-year-old robot hybrid of their former selves just to reach the final. Roger Federer will be playing with a puppy.

Grand Slams come and go. Puppies, so sayeth Sia, are Forever.